No is a Four Letter Word

Now that I have your attention…

Oh, you thought I was going to connect the word “no” to the word “f@$k”, right?

Well, it’s all in how we look at it.

As a creative, whether you’re a writer, actor, artist, singer, dancer or any other creative, we have all heard the word “no” at multiple times in a myriad of contexts, thrown our way.

I remember when I started out as a sculptor, recently out of University, as I was searching for work within the themed entertainment industry in Los Angeles. I was constantly calling and trying to connect with one scenic shop after another, day in and day out.

“Do you have any work available?” I would ask

“No.” They would respond.

“Do you have any upcoming Projects?” I would ask.

“No.” They would respond.

“Can I show you my portfolio?” I would ask

“No.” They would respond.

The word “No” was so powerful.

It was such a painful sound to hear, over and over, again and again.

The mere memory of those days, the struggle and self doubt brought on by that simple two letter word was almost unbearable at times.

At that point in my life, living on cup-o-noodles and peanut butter sandwiches, that little word sounded more profane than anything else.

Actually the more I heard it uttered, the more I felt like a hex was being cast my way.

I would have rather heard someone say “f@$k off” instead of hearing “no” one more time.

Ultimately though, as my ears were just about maxed out from the blitz and bombardment of that word, just as I was about to give in to its debilitating effects, I realized something.

I realized that if I allowed it, I  could let this word, this simple two letter word, control me, hold me back, make me cry, fill me with dread and paralyze me with fear and doubt.

I realized that if I allowed it, I could hear it as a four letter word that felt filthy, dirty, negative and painful and cast long shadows on my life, my career, and my future.

Or…

I could think back to my youth. I could remember the days when we I was a kid, when I  was a teenager and when the word “no” was nothing but a challenge, a short hurdle to hop over.

For me, and for many, during those years “no” was also a four letter word, but that word was “hope.”

We would ask our parents, our adults…

“Can I go out and play?”

“No.” They would tell us.

“Can I have one more piece of candy?”

“No.” They would say firmly.

“Can I spend the night at my friend’s house?

“No.” They would utter.

“Can I do my homework later?”

“No.” They would reply.

We heard them say no, over and over again, but in our minds their answer was nothing more than a small  bump in the road, and only for that minute, that hour, that day.

Sure, we may have felt crushed in the moment, but the next day was another day to start again, with the same questions. The next day we had hope that “no” would become “yes”. The next day was all about blue skies, sunshine and the simplicities of youth.

We didn’t let “no” control us.

We still played, we still laughed and we still hoped.

We knew then that at some point we would hear the word “yes”, that it would soon come and so we persisted.

We asked them about our homework, the candy, our friends until ultimately, wearily, they said “yes”.

Now as adults, we sometimes need to remind ourselves that words are just that, words. Yes, they can bring pain, they can bring doubt. But, they can also bring hope, joy and make dreams come true.

We must always remember to channel our younger selves, that version of us that dreamt, that imagined, that hoped.

That self that dreamed of writing the book, of performing on stage, of sharing their art.

The younger self that has grown to be an adult and is now part of an incredible creative tribe with big visions.

It’s true that “no” can be a four letter word, but so is “hope”…