How Lucky...

Hilcia and Tomi Yum

Sometimes I wake at 4am and realize how lucky I am. 

The house is dark and still as I listen to the soft breathing of Hilcia lying next to me and think about how lucky I am to have her here. 

Between us, Tomi Yum lets out a gentle sigh of comfort as she’s curled up in an ever so tiny ball of fur as I relish in my joy. 

I think about our newly completed beautiful home and the incredible land we live upon here in Chiang Mai with the forest and hills as our breathtaking backdrop and I smile. 

I warmly embrace my unbridled creativity in both my art and writing with pure pleasure as I light up. 

Truly, lucky is the only way to describe all of these wonderful things that are in my life. 

Yes, I’ve had pain as well, so very much of it. 

There was physical, mental and emotional childhood trauma, constant teen bullying, substance abuse, self loathing and self inflicted torment.

There were bad relationships, both friends and lovers, and the indelible harm caused by others but also harm inflicted by myself upon others. 

Then of course more recently, the treatment and (still) ongoing recovery of my battle with throat cancer. 

Any one of these, amongst so many other agonizing issues, was enough for many lifetimes filled with grievous memories, but all together could easily drown any one of us. 

And yet, still how lucky I feel...how lucky I am. 

I survived.

All of it. 

Here I stand, alive, thriving, living, loving. 

I’m married to a woman that loves me unconditionally, that brings me joy, that makes me think, that gives me life, that gives me purpose.

I have a beautiful family of three and a perfect life (well pretty damn close). It’s a life that I only ever imagined and never thought could be real, and yet it is and here I am. 

So I say again, yes, how incredibly lucky I am....