"Yes, I'm Happy"
This is not a post, it's more like a mini rant, but aren't the best blog posts anyways? I think so...
Anyways, getting right to the point, I've been thinking lately, why do I constantly need to explain myself to people day in and day out with, "Yes, I'm happy." Why? So many that read my words, or have read my book, or hear my story, ask me, "but, are you happy?". Why do I need to explain that although I love to live just on the other side, in the shadows of melancholic thought, just on the side of being dark and obscure, that I am actually happy, full of life, and living how I want to?
I believe that too many have been spoon fed the fake idea of happiness through media, marketing and the digital world we live in. Large companies, both concrete and digital, coin phrases and slogans like "the Happiest Place..." or "Open Happiness" or whatever three or four letter sentences they believe will capture our short attention spans to promote and market a feeling of joy, especially when it's pounded into our skulls over and over again.
Who the hell are these people that put their perspective of what joy and happiness are on me, on us? If you're into unicorns and rainbows, or live via simple lnstagramable slogans, have at it. But, why do you think you get to decide what happiness is for me?
Well, I will say that, for me, happiness is not what you think it is, not what these corporations tell me it is. I'm not happy throwing my money at a new car, nor do I feel joy buying some over priced shoes or clothes. Do you feel you need to spend money to make yourself happy, your family happy? I don't give two craps about the latest watch or technological comfort. You can take your crypto currency, NFT's and the rest of your money making schemes right out the door with you. None of these materialistic based commodities bring me joy or make me happy. I could care less about them. I never have truly cared about the material. Never.
If you find joy or happiness in the above, then good for you, that's your prerogative. Personally, I really don't care, it's not for me. Please, just don't shove your concepts of what joy is, especially the material, mundane and trivial, down my throat, I'm not interested and I'm not buying. If you're confused by my joy, quit asking why, unless you are truly interested in understanding me, then we can discuss. But, if you ask why repetitively, in order to try and change my mind, then go fuck yourself. I will never subscribe to what society tells me I should or should not do or feel. I behave as I choose, say what I want. I do what makes me happy.
I find happiness in experiences, in feelings, in the simple things in life that cannot be bought or sold.
I've said this before, but I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of joy, of connection, of exhilaration when Hilcia and I viewed the sun as it set over the gorgeous Singing Sand Dunes of the magnificent Gobi Desert in Mongolia. We sat together, held one another's hand, and embraced the absolute stillness of the moment while we wriggled our toes in the cool sand, letting this wonderful memory etch itself into our minds and hearts. It's a memory, and feeling of pure joy, that will last with me forever. It is as vivid today, as it was then. I don't need to trade it in, I don't need to upgrade, I don't need to buy a t-shirt to bask in the warmth of my memory.
Your happiness is your happiness. My happiness is my happiness. I define myself through my eyes, not through yours, nor do I need to explain myself. Don't look at me in shock when I describe my next tattoo creeping up my neck. Don't ask, "But what if you get a job?" or "What will people think?". Fuck all that. If getting tattoos makes me happy, why should you care? I march to my own tune, and only I hear the music. My experiences make me happy, such as getting a new tattoo, whether you understand them or not.
I am happy because I let it out. I am happy because I am who I am. I am happy because I have a fucking awesome wife. I am happy because I am not afraid to speak my mind. Do you think me dropping f-bombs is unacceptable within societal norms? Why? Because it makes you uneasy? It makes you unhappy to hear? Well, I enjoy the sound, as the words release from my lips and the wind carries them out to the ears of the world. It makes me happy.
Look, what I'm really trying to say here is this...let me live my life, and you live your life. If you want to indulge and accept the concept of what large corporations and the world deem is "happy", then you go right ahead. We all have our own concept of "happy", it's really quite simple, it just so happens mine is different.
Now, can't that make you happy?